Sometimes, Second Chances SUCK
by shadownumera
Summary: Bored gods are never any good for anyone. Especially when the bored god is Jashin. Second chance? Ha! More like being stuck with someone they don't like in a world they don't know, having to guard some stupid girls. KisamexOC, HidanxOC, rated M for Hidan
1. Unlikely Partners

**A/N: Hello all! This is my first attempt at a fanfiction, so I apologize for the errors that are bound to occur. Please be gentle with me ^^; I've always been a fan of everyone's favorite shark and Jashinist and felt they don't get nearly enough love. So here we have a HidanxOC and KisamexOC story. I'm trying to keep them as in character as possible, so any tips as to what I'm doing wrong would be greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything aside from the OCs, who don't even appear in this chapter.**

–-

Death is never pretty, though some deaths are worse than others. Killing yourself with your own jutsu is never a pleasant way to go. Few things are worse than dying. Being brought back by some unholy abomination of a jutsu to die a second does tend to surpass dying merely once. Or never dying and being eternally crushed by a pile of rocks. Jashin, God of Slaughter, had little to do with easing pain and a lot to do with causing it. However… the god was in a generous mood as he sat on his throne of bones. Perhaps some of the Akatsuki had not entirely deserved their fates. Maybe, just because he was bored and had little else to do with his time, he would give a second chance to some of them. Not _all_ of them mind you. Bringing that many people into any one of the multi-verses would upset things. And while he did love chaos, the other gods would make him clean up the mess the Akatsuki created if they traced the revival back to him. Jashin hated having to remove chaos. It just went against his nature. Plus, some of them were downright boring, at least in his opinion.

Well, his priest was an obvious choice. It had been amusing to watch Hidan suffer under those rocks for all these years, but the man had been a faithful follower and did deserve a reward of some sort. Now, who else? There needed to be at least two to have partners. After all, Jashin had decided he wasn't going to be doing this for charity. He had the perfect job in mind for them, and the Akatsuki worked in pairs. Bringing his thoughts back to the question at hand, Jashin decided whoever he chose would be the only other brought back. Two reincarnated souls would cause enough chaos as is. Jashin gave a feral grin, making his choice. He'd always liked the shark-nin Kisame. Such a brutal fighter, ripping through his opponents with that wonderful chakra-eating sword of his, Samehada. Jashin would have to retrieve the weapon from its current wielder, though he didn't think Samehada would mind. The sword had mourned the loss of Kisame for years now. With a smirk, the god raised his hand. _Snap._ His fingers called the two souls he desired to stand in front of him. Cue instantaneous chaos.

"ABOUT FUCKING TIME SOMEONE GOT ME OUT OF THAT JASHIN-DAMNED PIT! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! LEAVING ME THERE FOR JASHIN-KNOWS HOW LONG!" Hidan's familiar tirade of explicatives resounded.

"Hidan? Wonderful. I was needing another headache. Last I remember, I was committing a suicidal jutsu. Now I find myself here – where ever that is – with your insufferable whining being the first thing I hear. Somebody must hate me" Kisame sighed.

"SHUT IT, SUSHI-FUCKER!" was the ever so eloquent retort.

"And it's actually quite the opposite" Jashin's smooth voice made his presence known.

"J-Jashin-sama!" Hidan was momentarily stunned before bowing in a show of submission Kisame had not thought the immortal capable of.

"You see, I have chosen you two, out of all the Akatsuki, to have a second chance. Years have passed since your demise Kisame, and since you were tossed into that pit Hidan. Both of your names are long forgotten. The Akatsuki has faded into mere legend. Well. At least in your world, that's the case. In another, you two are quite famous, which is very amusing" the god informed them with a smirk on his face.

"...What's the catch?" Kisame narrowed his eyes, hand itching for Samehada. But his beloved blade was not there, which made him irrationally angry.

"Oi! Don't question Jashin-sama, fucker! Be fucking grateful!" Hidan snarled at the blue ninja, still not having straightened from his bow. Hidan was lucky Kisame didn't have any sharp object to behead him with, though Kisame did consider just using his bare hands.

"You are correct in assuming that I am not doing this for charity, Kisame Hoshigaki" Jashin was obviously amused. "At first, I was merely bored and needing entertainment. But, while I was deciding on whom to give this chance to, I thought of the perfect job for the both of you".

"We would be honored to serve you, Jashin-sama" Hidan said in as humble a tone as he could possible manage.

"Speak for yourself, zombie" Kisame snapped.

"Now, now. You two will be working together. It's best that you at least attempt to get along. Though, I certainly don't mind chaos" Jashin purred. "It's an assignment that I'm sure neither of you have done in some time. For the sake of convenience, we'll call this an S-ranked mission".

"Not interested" the Mist-nin replied.

"Shut the fuck up Sushi!" Hidan reflexively reached for his scythe, only to find it was not there. Right. Dead. Or at least as close to dead as he was ever getting.

"Hear me out before you waste this opportunity, mortal" Jashin growled. "Or would you really prefer to go back to being dead? I know you would prefer to actually be doing something" the god smirked at Kisame's silence. "I'll take that as a sign that you're listening. Very well, here's the proposal. You two are to be bodyguards. However, there's a reason I said this would be classified as an S-rank mission. People do not know either of you anymore. But, you are still missing-nin. The two kunoichi I would have you guard are not".

"Kunoichi? Why can't they just take care of themselves?" the shark-nin was only bothering with this because he really didn't like being dead.

"I'll be getting to that. All good things to those who wait, Hoshigaki. Patience. Now, there is something in your favor. Neither of these kunoichi have a very strong tie to their Village. Convincing them to abandon it might be possible, after you've gained trust. To answer you impertinent question, they cannot guard themselves because this threat is beyond either of them. The years of peace have made the Villages and their ninja soft. Had they been born in your time, they would've been a force to be reckoned with. Instead, they are both mere jounin and not trained to the fullest of their abilities".

"Jashin-sama, if I may speak, why are we guarding them?" Hidan didn't even dare look at his god to ask this.

"They are to play a key role in the new history being written. If the world survives. If the world burns itself to the ground. It all relies on them. They both possess a unique ability that is needed in order to either aid or defeat this new threat to your world. As such, they are targets. You are to protect them. Defend them with your lives. Train them as well, make them the deadly warriors they should have been" Jashin informed the two former Akatsuki. He paused for dramatic effect. "Now. Will you accept this mission? This will your only chance. If you say no, you return to being dead. Or stuck under a pile of rocks. Your choice. So, what do you decide?"

"You already know my answer, Jashin-sama. It would be an honor to serve you again" Hidan spoke instantly. Kisame growled to himself, sharp teeth bared in a snarl. He didn't like being a pawn. But... he hated being dead even more so.

"Fine. I'll do it" he snapped.

"I thought so. Here. You'll be needing these" another _snap_ and both ninja found themselves equipped with their signature weapons. Hidan gleefully took his scythe from his back, swinging it in near ecstasy as having his weapon back. Kisame removed the weight from his back to stare at Samehada in disbelief. The sword's scales ripped in what could only be rejoicing at being back with its master. The sentient sword was glad to share chakra with Kisame again. "You will be fine in the Akatsuki uniforms that you two are wearing. No one knows the meaning of the red clouds anymore. Besides, you'll need to hide your hitai-ate until the time is right" the slaughter god continued. He smirked. "Good luck to you both". A final _snap_, and the two S-ranked ninja were gone.

–-

"The fuck are these things?" Hidan was back to his normal cursing as soon as they were out of the god's company. Currently the silver-haired man was glowering at the strange vehicles on the road. We would recognize them as early versions of cars. However, neither ninja had the advantage of knowing what the odd four wheeled vehicles going far faster than a normal carriage were.

"As if I know" Kisame sighed. Why of all the Akatsuki did he have to be brought back with the annoying Jashinist? "I still sense shinobi about. At least we're not that out of date" It would've made things that much more difficult if ninja were a rarity.

"Weren't you listening to Jashin-sama Sushi? We're to guard fucking kunoichi. Obviously there are still shinobi around" the Jashinist glared at his blue-skinned companion. Ugh. Even the miser was better company than shark-boy. Hell, Hidan thought he would've even preferred the weasel over this bastard. "Where the fuck are we anyway?" The countries had changed drastically over the years. Neither ninja recognized their surroundings at all.

"Only one way to find that out" Kisame started to follow the road at an easy pace for a ninja, though avoided actually being on it due to both shinobi instincts and the fact he was unsure of those strange vehicles.

"And what the fuck is that, huh?" Hidan growled, being forced to follow after the Mist-nin for lack of anywhere else to go.

"We go ask someone. Follow the road until we get somewhere" the shark-nin answered simply.

"Fucking wonderful. Fucking S-ranked ninja, and we gotta ask fucking directions. The miser would be laughing his ass off if he knew" Kisame was started to understand why Kakuzu had so often brought Hidan back to the Akatsuki base as a body and a gagged severed head. As they walked, the sky darked and it started to rain. "Judging on the fucking weather, my guess is Mist or Rain is somewhere near". Kisame rolled his eyes.

"What possibly gave you that idea?" he had picked up the art of sarcasm from Itachi. Man, did his miss the Uchiha's usual silence right now.

"The fucking rain, fucking stupid shark". Of course the art of sarcasm went right over the Jashinist's silver head. Naturally. Hours of complaints and having to restrain himself and Samehada later, a Village loomed in the distance. It was all Kisame could do not to use every ounce of shinobi speed he possessed to reach there faster. It was best not to draw attention to themselves just yet.

"Look there, Hidan" Kisame stopped, and nodded in an almost imperceptible gesture towards the village. Lounging in plain sight were ninja easily conversing, ignoring the rain as if it was a common occurrence. Judging from their headbands, it was. "Seems we're in Amegakure after all. Too bad your god failed to tell us exactly where in the world these two kunoichi are. Or even what they looked like. Otherwise we could start searching". Times must really be peaceful for these chuunin and few jounin to feel comfortable being so out in the open.

"Let me sacrifice those fucking bastards. Then I'll pray to Jashin and ask where the fucking hell we're supposed to be going and who we're looking for" Hidan reached for his scythe.

"Hidan. Disturbing this peace would not be wise. We'll want to stay low until the time is right" Kisame stopped the other man with a glare.

"Fuck you, Sushi. I'll be fucking discrete then" Hidan removed his hand from his scythe. For now, he would wait. At the first chance he got, he'd sacrifice some unlucky soul to Jashin. "Heh. I wonder if that pineapple bastard has noticed that the fucking pit is empty".

"The pineapple bastard is most likely long dead, Hidan. At least judging from the looks of how the world's changed" this was accompanied by an eye roll.

"Pity. I wanted to fucking sacrifice his sorry ass. Guess I'll have to make due with somebody else then. And before you fucking say anything, I heard you the fucking first time. I'll be fucking quiet with my curse jutsu. I don't have any control over if the fucking bastard I catch screams though".

"Well you better find control over it".

"I don't know how the fuck that damn weasel put up with you".

"Nor can I figure out how the miser put up with _you_".

–-

**A/N: And there you have it. Again, tips as to how to keep these two in character would be loved greatly. Thank you all for reading ^^ Reviews are always loved.**


	2. A Cat and A Hunter

**A/N: Thank you so very much for the follows and the reviews ;~; I spotted so many spelling errors in my last chapter, it made me cringe. I updated that just before I posted this cause it was so embarrassing.****My apologies, the spell check on my computer is not the greatest. A special thanks to chomp0 and CereMaria who were my first two reviews as I write this chapter. Anyways, I'll shut up and get on with the story, shall I?**

**Disclaimer: still don't own anything except for the OCs**

–-

"Let's experience the ecstasy of death together!" The infamous phrase had not been heard in Ame for years. So, the only response to it was confusion and the poor soul that was the target of a silver Jashinist's curse-jutsu attempting to fight off a threat they had were no match against. Imagine a harmless housefly attempting to defend itself against a starving tiger, and you get the idea.

"Good thing the miser isn't alive any more. I'd owe him money. And he'd be annoying about it until I'd payed him with interest" the blue shark-nin watching the entire scene rolled his eyes, scratching at his hair. His head felt bare without his hitai-ate "And what did I say about keeping it quiet?"

"Shut the fuck up fish-face. And why would you owe the bastard Kakuzu fucking money?" Hidan finished his ritual as his deceased target collapsed.

"I bet him that your rituals weren't nearly as long or annoying as he made them sound" Kisame sighed, finding that he'd been sighing much more than he'd ever done so before now that he was unwillingly partnered with the immortal "As I said, I'd have to pay up, as I was wrong. So very _very_ wrong".

"Well Kakuzu is fucking dead, so you can go eat a dick. Besides, I have to fucking sacrifice this bastard so I can pray properly to Jashin-sama and get the damn information we need". Since they fought like spoiled children no one would guess that these two were S-class missing-nin and former members of Akatsuki. "Count your damn blessings that I didn't just fucking sacrifice you, sushi-fucker. I bet I could handle this damn mission by my fucking self". Still grumbling curses, Hidan made his preparations to pray to the slaughter god Jashin. His personal deity, giver of immortality... and who had stuck him with the most annoying partner ever. Hidan even found himself suspecting that even that fucking idiot Tobi would have been a better companion.

He sat on the ground, taking his rosary in hand, closing his eyes and hoping Jashin would be willing to communicate. The less time he was forced to spend with Kisame the better in the immortal's opinion. _Ah, Hidan. I was wondering when you'd come asking for information_. The god's voice was smug. He'd most likely left the needed information out on purpose, just to watch their reaction. _I stuck you in Amegakure so you two could orient yourselves. After all, a lot has changed while you two were away._ Hidan was pretty sure he heard the god snickering. _Plus, you don't have to travel that far. The kunoichi you seek are in Kusagakure. Hope neither of you are allergic to grass_. The connection closed off with a laugh. Still no description of either kunoichi, but at least they had a destination.

"Looks like we get to go play in the fucking weeds. We're headed to fucking Kusa" Hidan announced as he stood.

"A day or so travel at normal pace. A couple hours if we go full-tilt" the former Mist-nin considered their options. Damn, did he miss the Uchiha right now. Itachi was much better at plans then he was. "We still don't know about how things have changed... normally I'd say screw it and we'd go full speed to Kusa".

"Fuck yeah! I think I might actually fucking tolerate you with that logic, Sushi!"

"But, I'm going to say we should go at normal speed and use the extra time to try to figure out what we can about this time period" Kisame finished his thought.

"You can just fucking ignore the fact I said I thought I could fucking tolerate you" Hidan glared "The shit are we going to learn from here to Kusa? How many of those damn box things there are? How fucking peaceful this time period is?" Hidan was always an expert in complaining "I'm looking forward to whatever bastard is causing the fucking chaos right now. This damn quiet is getting on my fucking nerves. These bunch of pussy-ass shinobi aren't even worthy of being called fucking ninja. They would not have lasted five damn seconds against the weakest of the Akatsuki".

"I seem to recall that civilian you just sacrificed lasting for about five minutes cause you're so slow" the shark-nin mused "Does that make you weaker than the weakest Akatsuki? How can you be weaker than yourself?"

"One more fucking word from you, sushi-fucker, and you're my next sacrifice" Hidan swung his scythe in clear threat.

"Bring it" Kisame put a hand on Samehada. _Enough. Didn't I tell you to be going to Kusa? Why aren't you moving yet? You want to be dead again?_ The words resounded in both minds. The two shinobi glared at each other before easing out of their respective fighting stances. Neither of them liked the other, but they both hated the idea of returning to their former state even less. So, the two S-class turned and left for Kusagakure, leaving the body on the ground as the only sign they had been in Ame at all.

–-

Kisame was severely regretting traveling at the slower pace. If Hidan's complaints continued much more, the shark-nin didn't much care if the Jashinist was immortal and had the only real like to the god who had meddled with their souls he _would_ find a way to kill him. Slowly. Painfully. After having used Samehada to eat up every last bit of chakra the immortal possessed. Yes. The image of a brutally murdered Hidan who would never get up to voice his damn complaints ever again soothed Kisame's inner beast. The shark he was enjoyed the dream of slaughter almost as much as actually doing so.

"How much fucking longer?" Ah, the image was gone now, replaced by a very much whole and alive Hidan. Kisame really had preferred the other image. "You gone fucking deaf, bastard? I said: how much fucking longer?"

"There's Kusagakure right there" he snapped, showing his sharp teeth in his irritation. It was true, the Village Hidden in the Grass was just a few more miles down the forested road.

"Thank Jashin-sama. I was getting fucking tired of running. And tired of these damn fucking weird ass plants. Giant fucking mushrooms. It isn't fucking natural".

"This is Kusa. Giant mushrooms are perfectly normal" Kisame put his hands on his temples, trying to calm himself and gather what little patience he had left. "Now, Hidan. You never mentioned what these kunoichi looked like".

"That's because Jashin-sama didn't fucking tell me" the Jashinist glared.

"Wonderful. You're the only one that can contact him at will. So, find out who we're looking for. Then we have to figure out how the hell we're getting into Kusagakure. I'll think on that while you go have a nice chat" the glare was returned full force.

"You're not the fucking boss of me" Hidan growled.

"How else do you suggest we find these two kunoichi when we have no dea what they look like or even know their names?" Kisame tilted his head in mocking curiosity.

"Fuck you. I'lll go fucking pray again then. It's not nearly as fun when someone's fucking telling you to do it on command like a damn dog" the Jashinist stalked to go find somewhere to pray. He made himself as comfortable as he could, still suspiciously eying the giant mushrooms. As soon as he started into the prayer he was greeted with the now quickly becoming familiar sound of Jashin's amused laughter. _You two are such fun to watch. Here you go Hidan. _Two distinct images of kunoichi burned themselves into the immortal's mind. _I suggest you each guard one personally. That first one I showed you h_as _amazingly bad luck. _Better give that bitch to Kisame to babysit then. Besides she looked strange with those eyes of hers, so she'd fit right in with the Mist-nin. _Their names are Saya Imuri and Mizu Akita respectively._

"Well?" Kisame growled, hoping they could get on with this.

"I got the bitches' names and what they fucking look like" the Jashinist snapped back.

"I still have no clue how we're getting into Kusa though" he hated to admit this to Hidan, but neither ninja was very familiar with the Grass Village. That made sneaking in that much harder.

"Well it's so damn peaceful. And nobody fucking knows what our damn uniforms mean anyway. Why don't we go go fucking walk up to the damn gate and see if they fucking let us in?" Had Hidan actually manage sarcasm? Kisame was going to have to note this day on a calendar. Wait...

"That's... actually not a bad idea..." the shark-nin couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. Ugh. They tasted as awful as they sounded.

"...What did you just fucking say? You know I was shitting with you, right?" Hidan blinked.

"I know. That's what makes it even worse that that idea is the best we have. Come one, Zombie. Let's go see if it's so peaceful that they'll let two unknown ninja in strange gear with no headbands into a Hidden Village. We did just stroll into Rain earlier. Hope Grass will be the same" Kisame headed off to finish the last of the distance to Kusa.

"At least I'm fucking immortal. You're going to get your blue ass killed while I sit back and fucking watch and laugh".

–-

"I can't fucking believe we just fucking walked right into this damn place. Did they somehow not fucking notice the fucking large scythe on my back? Or the fucking bandaged sword on yours? Not to mention our damn chakra levels or the fact you look like a fucking shark" Hidan was beginning to think peace had made each and every ninja in this time period exceedingly stupid.

"Stop complaining, Hidan. Unless you want to get us noticed any more than needed" Kisame growled at him "We've got to find these kunoichi and convince them to leave Grass somehow. We can't accomplish this if _you_ get us thrown out of here before we even find them".

"But they didn't even fucking ask for fucking identification papers! I thought that was fucking standard!"

"_Hidan_" this said in a low snarl closer to that of the beast that lived inside Kisame.

"Fucking fine. But I still think those bastards are fucking idiots. Come on Sushi. We've got kunoichi to fucking find".

Hours of aimless wandering the streets of Hidden Grass later, and nothing to show for it except the curious looks they kept getting from civilians and shinobi alike. The two ex-Akatsuki hadn't been able to walk this freely in a Village since before they'd abandoned their former homes. Kisame had tried asking around, but most people didn't know the two kunoichi and those that did didn't know where they were. Hidan had even managed to behave and not offer anyone here violence. Yet. The Jashinist was getting increasingly angry with their lack of progress.

"Alright. I fucking give up, Sushi. If we don't find those fucking bitches fucking soon, I am sacrificing them and this entire damn village to Jashin-sama" Hidan finally snapped after yet another unsuccessful hour of searching.

"I'm honestly surprised you lasted this long, Hidan" Kisame admitted. But he gave an annoyed sigh, gritting his sharp teeth in a snarling expression. "But I have to admit you're right about this being ridiculous. They're two jounin level kunoichi. But you'd think they were S-rank master spies with how no one seems to know where in the hell they are".

"It would be just our fucking luck if they were on a fucking mission together" Hidan grumbled.

"Possible. And let's imagine for a moment they are on a mission. This time is so peaceful. I bet the missions in this era only get to B-rank at best, A-rank if you're exceedingly lucky. What could possibly be taking so long on such a low level mission?" his companion sighed.

"I don't fucking know. The longest I fucking had on a damn genin mission was an entire shitty day chasing a fucking cat" the immortal snapped back. "And if they've been chasing a fucking cat this entire damn time, I'll fucking sacrifice them as slowly and painfully as fucking possible".

"Chuunin level missions would take awhile if they're on one of those. And at least that would be more respectable than chasing a cat" Kisame leaned against a wall. 'But we don't know how long we have to not only have to find them, convince them to leave here. We also still have to find somewhere else to go, train them, and figure out what this mysterious threat is we're guarding them from. This isn't even mentioning trying to defeat this threat so that we could be done with this infernal task. We can't wait around Grass forever. Nor can we go wandering aimlessly trying to find them if they are on a mission in the first place". He rubbed his temples in an exasperated manner. "Fuck. Where's the damn Uchiha when you need him? The weasel was always better at thinking then I am".

"The damn weasel bastard is dead. So we have to think for our fucking selves Sushi" Hidan growled. The two previously infamous S-ranked ninja stood there in that same spot for some time, trying to think of _something_ that would help. Suddenly they both jumped as a female screech tore through the air.

"You think that's one of them?" Kisame moved away from the wall to follow the sound.

"A better fucking lead than anything else we've fucking got" Hidan followed after him. Both were mildly surprised to find no one else was responding to the scream. That altered them both that something was up with this particular situation. They found some remote and somewhat hidden training fields and the source of the scream. There were two females, one panting for breath, and the other snickering like she'd just managed to pull off a flawless joke. "Those are our fucking bitches. Fucking finally". The panting one was short, about 5'4", had decent curves for her tiny size, and practically a ghost she was so pale. White-blond hair hung to about her shoulders in a bob cut and she wore the typical jounin outfit with her hitai-ate worn in the traditional way on her head. But none of this was nearly as significant as her eyes. They were gold, yes _gold_ and slit like a feline's. "The tiny one is fucking yours to guard, Sushi. It's kinda fucking funny. The bastard fish gets stuck with the damn cat" Hidan smirked.

"Fine. Means you get stuck with the one that seems to like pranking others, which I can live with. She'll be your terror, not mine" Kisame shrugged, not nearly as bothered by this as Hidan had hoped he'd be. Judging from the smaller kunoichi's chakra she didn't carry the two-tailed cat biju. Whatever the story behind her eyes, the demon wasn't it. He went back to observing the kunoichi. The other female was taller, about 5'6" with long black hair that reached her waist. Her skin was mildly tan, like she saw a lot of sunshine and her curves were more pronounced than her companion's. Her outfit was that of ANBU, though she wasn't wearing a mask, so her grinning face and piercing blue eyes were easily seen. There on her waist hung a sheathed katana... and the missing mask. Though, the mask was the interesting item. It wasn't an animal like most ANBU. It was completely blank. "Heh. Looks like you get Kusa's version of a hunter-nin. Have fun with that Hidan".

"Jashin fucking damn it" Hidan growled.

"Which one is which girl?" the shark-nin smirked at Hidan's displeasure.

"The fucking feline is fucking called Saya Imuri. The damn fucking hunter is Mizu Akita" came the snapping reply.

"I guess this is where we go introduce ourselves" Kisame mused, making no moves forward.

"Can't we just fucking kidnap them?"

"We're supposed to train them, remember? Last I checked you don't train someone you've kidnapped".

"Damn your logic, Sushi". The two arguing ninja paused, sensing something. There was a surprisingly hostile looking group of other Grass-nin approaching the two kunoichi. "Heh, looks like things are about to get fucking exciting".

"Let's stay here out of sight for now. Watch and wait, see what this is about. Time this right and we can gain a bit of trust with them and get some blood on our blades" Kisame gave a feral smile that showed off his sharp teeth.

"Damn Sushi. And I though you were fucking bad at planning".

"You can't be partners with an Uchiha for as long as I was without learning a few things".

"I think I might fucking grow to tolerate you. More fucking bastards to sacrifice to Jashin-sama is always a good thing"

–-

**A/N: Wow, this was a longer chapter than I thought it would be. So, here we finally see the two ladies of this story. You'll see more of their personalities in the next chapter. As for an update schedule... I don't really have one. I'll do my best to update at least once a week, but if you're lucky and I have time, you might get more. As always, tips as to how to keep the two Akatsuki in character are always welcome. Reviews are loved ^^**


	3. Becoming a Missing-nin

**A/N: For this third chapter I'd like to give a special thanks to the three followers of this story Arcami, jacob 2119, and simmy-sim-girl. That my story has even gotten this much interest makes me so happy ^^ **

**Disclaimer: Don't own anything 'cept the OCs  
**

–-

The lone kunoichi on the training grounds growled to herself. She was having issues perfecting a jutsu and it was driving her insane. The training ground was scarred from her various attempts at from the destruction it was causing of a imperfect but powerful jutsu. Saya often came here alone to train. Very few people in Kusa wanted anything to do with her anyway. Sure, she was a jounin, she was even a powerful medic with near perfect chakra control having learned from an apprentice of Sakura herself. But, no one saw these things. They just took one look at her eyes and thought she was some sort of demon. When she tried explaining that her eyes were a result of her cat-summons, much like how dog-nins often had a stronger sense of smell, no one ever listened. Well, one person had listened. "Boo!" came the familiar voice next to her ear, causing Saya to shriek and reflexively lash out with a kunai. Think of the devil and she will appear. There was the clang of connecting metal as it was blocked with a sheathed katana. "Saya~ So mean~" Mizu pouted at her.

"Dang it Mizu! Don't do that!" Saya put her kunai away and flopped to the ground to pant in delayed fright. Mizu laughed as she sat on the ground next to her friend. The mask on her waist clattered slightly against the sword she carried as she did so. Mizu never wore the mask, despite the fact she was supposed to. Missing-nin were exceedingly rare these days, but Mizu wanted the few she took down to at least know who it was that had ended their life.

"It's too much fun" she grinned at the healer.

"Using your kekkei genkai makes it unfair" Saya grumbled. The hunter-nin could flawlessly suppress her chakra, to the point that not even the strongest sensor-nin would register her. Saya knew this, being a sensor-nin herself. "It feels like I'm talking to a bloody ghost".

"It certainly makes sneaking into places much easier" the other kunoichi was unapologetic. She was about to say something more when Saya gave her a look. The medic sensed something. Mizu didn't bother asking what it was since there was a hostile looking group of fellow Grass-nin approaching.

"There's two much stronger chakras over there" Saya flicked her eyes to the woods. "I don't recognize them. But they make these guys seem like genin".

"So we get an audience? Fun~" Mizu rested her hand on her blade in a deceptively relaxed way.

"Assuming they're not friends or backup" the healer grumbled, casting her gaze to the more obvious threat of the three other Grass-nin.

"Thought that scream was you, kitty cat" one sneered.

"And look she's with the failure hunter" the next observed.

"As usual. Freaks tend to group together" another snickered.

"Mostly chuunin, maybe a few jounin. You want them? Or should I?" Mizu asked Saya dryly.

"Got a coin to flip?" her head tilted in a kitten's gesture of curiosity.

"Nope. You?"

"We'll teach you to ignore us" a chuunin snapped, suddenly moving to strike without further warning. Saya simply caught his leg before it connected.

"It's rude to interrupt a conversation" her feline eyes gave him a predatory glare as if he was little more than a mouse. She yanked on his caught leg to cause him to fall over from loss of balance. With this the two kunoichi were on their feet. Saya had drawn a short blade that was suddenly sparking with a channeled lightning technique. Mizu's katana was finally unsheathed, gleaming in the sunlight. "We all serve the same Village. Must we fight?" she asked seeming to not want the violence. In response, the same chuunin attacked again. Saya moved with such speed she rivaled that of a fast S-class ninja. This lightning technique on her blades gave her a speed boost so long as it was active. She stuck, making the levels of electricity low enough to not kill the chuunin, but it would paralyze him for awhile. This caused the fight to fully erupt, the judging from the expressions the two kunoichi were used to the hostility from their own Village.

–-

"She felt our suppressed chakra from this distance. Impressive. And I can't sense the other one no matter what I try" Kisame grinned. "Seems their Village doesn't like them much. That helps our chances of convincing them to leave".

"No fucking bad fighters those two" Hidan was forced to admit as they watched the two kunoichi successfully handle the much larger group of other Grass ninja. "But they got nothing on even a jounin from the old Villages, much fucking less us".

"Your god did say they'd need training. But at least we've got something to work with".

"Did you say we were going to fucking help them or something?" the immortal wanted some violence.

"Patience Hidan" Kisame was itching for a fight himself. "We need to wait".

"For fucking what?" purple eyes flashed in irritation.

The shark-nin's grin was feral. "For that" he nodded to the fight. The two girls were good. Saya was decent with that blade, used mainly lightning and some water juts (the water caught Kisame's interest) and had a speed that would've impressed even the Uchiha had the weasel been alive. Mizu handled her katana in a way that said it was second nature. She could've almost passed for one of the Seven Swordsmen given more training. She also used primarily wind jutsu, though the Mist-nin had seen her use a few fire techniques. Despite all this the group they were facing off against was simply too large with too many other Grass-nin close to their level. Jashin had been right though. Had they been born earlier, neither S-class shinobi doubted these would've been able to handle this group with their eyes closed. But, the two females were as soft as their opponents. And now stood back to back, outnumbered and starting to tire. He waited a bit longer "Now Hidan" Kisame vanished with speed. The hostile ninja were now too close to the females they were supposed to be guarding for Kisame's comfort. The Jashinist grumbled at being ordered around, but followed swiftly.

Mizu knew they were done for. They hadn't killed any of their opponents they'd taken down. But the other Grass-nin didn't care. They wanted the two abnormalities of the Village to be eliminated. But just as she braced to defend against an oncoming blade, there were two simultaneous clangs of metal. She... hadn't done that. And basing of the way Saya had tensed in surprise, Mizu guessed Saya hadn't either. Her brain finally registered what had happened. Two unknown shinobi were there. A triple bladed scythe blocked the attack meant for Mizu. She blinked at the silver-haired male that held the scythe easily, as if blocking that attack had been child's play. For him, it probably was "I suggest you fuckers back off" the scythe-user grinned at them. "Unless you fucking want to die. I have no problem with using you bastards as sacrifices" his purple eyes got a manic glee to them at the mention of sacrificing the other Grass-nin.

Saya stared in disbelief at her own helper and the strange bandaged sword he's used to block the attack aimed at her. He... looked like a shark! But, she had cat eyes, so who was she to judge? "We won't play as nicely as these two kunoichi. You fight, you die" the ninja's blade seemed to move under the bandages on it. Was that thing alive?! "And neither of us have any issue killing all of you" These two were the other chakras she'd sensed earlier... they were so powerful the hum of their chakra was giving her a headache. The surrounding ninja had pulled back slightly in surprise at the unexpected interruption. Then they decided to end their lives by doubting the threat and attacking again. The two kunoichi watched in shocked horror as the two unknown males slaughtered the group easily, without breaking a sweat or even using a single jutsu.

"Dead... you killed them..." Saya's mind was trying to wrap her head around the situation. The medic tried to avoid killing, preferring to heal. Sure she had killed... but it was a rare thing and never so many at once. Let alone having them be from the same Village.

"They were going to do the same to you, princess" Kisame snorted "Just in case you didn't notice".

"Thank you!~" Mizu was more acquainted with killing due to being a hinter-nin. So, she promptly glomped Hidan, hugging him in gratitude. The immortal was completely stunned for a moment, seeing as how most sane people avoided touching him.

"Get the fuck off" he unsuccessfully tried to pry Mizu off of him. "The fuck is wrong with you?! Let fucking go of me!" Since he was supposed to guard her, Hidan knew he was not supposed to hurt her. But his attempts to get her off of him without doing so were futile. "Sushi, I think this one has damn mental issues".

"She's... an affectionate person" Saya explained. She bowed to the two unknown shinobi. "Thank you for saving us... Did you really have to...? No, I know they would've done the same to you. Never mind. I'm Saya, the one attached to you is Mizu".

"We fucking know that already" Hidan was still trying to detach a clingy kunoichi from him.

"She's not going to let you go until you hug back. Trust me on this one. And... how did you know anything?" Saya moved into a slightly guarded stance. She knew neither she nor Mizu stood a chance against these two in a fight. But she didn't trust that comment.

"It's a long story. And I don't think here's the best place for it" Kisame gestured to the slaughter. The he grinned, "Unless you like the thought of having a conversation near dead bodies and then getting caught by ANBU".

"The damn shark is right. We need to fucking get out of here before someone notices the mess" Hidan outright refused to hug the hunter-nin, and continued to struggle trying to detach Mizu from himself.

"I suppose you're right... but where can we go? They'll just track us to where ever we go in the Village" Saya murmured softly.

"Then we head out of the Village. We can try the base back in Ame. Hope the door still works" Kisame directed most of this to Hidan.

"We're going all the fucking way back there?!"

"Any other suggestions?"

"No. Damn it. Fucking fine. But we're going full speed this fucking time".

"Fine with me"

"Wait" Saya interrupted the argument. "Amegakure? If we leave Kusa without permission we'll be missing-nin!"

"Fucking so?" Hidan growled as he continued to try prying Mizu off of him.

"We barely know you! You want us to go with two guys we don't know to a Village that isn't ours, and become missing-nin to just hear a stupid story of how you know who we are?" Saya thought this was the dumbest thing she'd ever heard.

"Sounds legit~" Mizu chirped. "I'll come~!" The hunter-nin was like an impulsive child sometimes.

"Mizu!" Saya stared at her in shock.

"Plus, look at these two! They're hot! Come on Saya! Let's go with the sexy ninja! Not like Grass like us anyway!" Mizu grinned at her, still refusing to let go of Hidan despite the immortal's best efforts.

"Kami, save me" Saya put a hand over her face.

"I take it this is normal for her" Kisame sympathized with having an impulsive idiot for a partner. He completely ignored being called attractive, though it was not usually something people used to describe him.

"You have no idea" Saya growled. "Fine. I'll go. If only to make sure she isn't a complete idiot and alone with two strange ninja from who-knows where. I blame you for whatever happens to us Mizu. My bad luck has nothing to do with this situation".

"Fine with me~" she chimed back.

"Well now that that's fucking settled. FUCKING LET GO OF ME!" Hidan snapped at the kunoichi hugging him.

"Not until you hug back~"

"We'll have to carry them anyway if you want to go full speed Hidan. There's no way the hunter would keep up with us, and I doubt princess here would want to maintain that lightning jutsu just to keep up herself" Kisame informed him as he put Samehada back on his back. Then, without asking, he picked up Saya and lightly tossed her over his shoulder.

"I didn't agree to this!" she protested.

"Too bad princess. Just enjoy the ride" the shark-nin snickered.

"FUCK YOU ALL" Hidan snarled. But finally he jerkily moved to finally give Mizu the hug she'd been demanding.

"Yay~" Mizu released him, only to find the Jashinist sheathing his scythe to pick her up bridal style. "Aw~ So sweet!"

"I'll fucking drop you" Hidan snarled in warning. Then muttered to himself "She's fucking worse than fucking Tobi. I'm half expecting to fucking say 'Mizu is a good girl' or some shit like that". The two ninja carried their respective kunoichi out of Grass and back towards Amegakure and the former Akatsuki base as fast as their abilities could manage. The two S-class ninja were so fast the guards at the gate only saw blurs and felt rushes of wind as they passed. It would be hours now until the ninja Mizu and Saya had knocked out would come to and discover the gruesome scene. It would take even longer for the Village to find that it was missing two of its kunoichi with no traces as to where they went. By then it would be far too late to do anything about it.

–-

**A/N: I'm somehow not as happy with this chapter as I was with the last two. I can't put my finger on it. I guess this one just doesn't seem as good?I don't know. Thank you for reading. As always critiques and tips of how to keep the two Akatsuki in character are welcome and needed. Reviews are always loved.**


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